When you’re already in a teary mood, I don’t recommend watching the finale of Friends. In just the last hour I have realized this: humans crave to be loved. We so much want to hear affirmation from others that we are special to them. Sometimes I don’t like being a girl because I feel like I take this characteristic to the level where I even drive myself crazy. I hate to admit it, but I have found that a lot of my worth in the past 5 years has come from people affirming me. Whether that be from a guy or a good friend. Either way it feels good, but when it goes away, it hurts. It really hurts. Sometimes I even push it away. There have been moments where it’s there, and then its gone. A fleeting moment that I wish I could capture in a jar and let it out whenever I needed it. There have been moments where I know I’ve made the right decision (i.e. in a relationship), but I suddenly want to change them, simply for the reason of being affirmed again. I know that these feelings are not necessarily wrong; we were created as beings who have deep love imbedded in our hearts. However, when the affirmation becomes my identity (which I see in my life in neon letters right now), I believe it becomes draining. And that’s exactly how I feel in this moment: drained. For trying too hard to mend something that doesn’t need to be fixed. And for trying to make something work that never will.
So please hear my heart as I tell you this. I am a broken college student who desires love. I search for it every day of my life. And each time I look, the only thing that stays constant is the promised love of Jesus. I run away from it daily, but He’s always there calling me back. Join me in this battle.
Ephesians 3.17-19
“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith — that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God”
Suggested Music -- Here For You // by: Kygo, Ella Henderson
Suggested Recipe -- Pumpkin Gnocchi w/ Sage Cream Sauce
May your coffee be caffeinated,
Sarah
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