Tears

"But I'm learning. It's human to struggle. It's human to nurse a broken heart, to wonder if the pain will ever let up, to howl through your tears every once in a while. And the best, most redeeming, exciting thing I can imagine, from the smashed-up, broken place I've been, is that something beautiful can blossom out of the wreckage." - Shauna Niequist 

I was recently a bridesmaid in my very good friend’s wedding this past weekend. I don’t think I fully prepared myself for how much reflecting I would do in the process of that weekend. I’ve known this friend for almost 18 years now and only see her a couple times a year. This means each time I see her is precious and wonderful. Her wedding day is something we’ve both been dreaming about since we were young. Needless to say I was honored to be a part of it. To put into perspective my emotional state just hear this: the day before the wedding we went to the church to set up and within a minute of walking onto the stage where she would soon say her vows, I started to cry. It wasn’t even my wedding! But I always forget how easily I cry until moments like these arise. 

Tears are a special thing. They allow you to come to grips with all the words whirling around your head. They allow you to show other people how you are truly feeling. They allow you to release hard emotions, whether positive or negative. I cried countless other times during this weekend. I cried during my toast at the rehearsal dinner. I cried in the bridal suite with her while we talked about her beautiful, God-woven relationship with her soon to be husband. I cried when she walked down the aisle. I cried when she proclaimed her promises to her husband. And I cried when she danced with her father to a hand crafted song. There were moments where I tried to hold back from letting it all out at once for the sake of both my make-up and my dignity. But sometimes its good to let it all out. On my way back home I went to the bathroom in the Portland airport and cried in one of the stalls, releasing everything built up and giving myself a fresh start. 

These times were some that I will never ever forget, ones I already hold close to my heart. I long to replay some of the precious moments I shared with my friend this weekend. And tears were a critical part in the closeness I felt with her in this joyous weekend. Admittedly some of those tears were happy and some of them were me coming to grips with the reality that I am not getting married any time soon. But either way, letting those tears leave my eyes was an incredibly wonderful thing. I firmly believe this season of life I am entering is one of extreme growth, independence and confidence. I am realizing that growing up is just more reason to let the tears flow, because its hard. And amidst that difficulty is a sweetness that I just can’t let go of; a sweetness I can only attribute to the joy of life the Lord has given us. 

Sugessted Music -- Send Off // by: Explosions In The Sky 

Suggested Book -- Bittersweet // by: Shauna Niequist 

May your coffee be caffeinated,

Sarah